I restrain myself from you

A poem from a Yakuza gangster to a beautiful soulful girl he loved more than anything.

To you my love who I want to stay away from

Behind this dark curtain of my eyelids,

I still see that sparkle of life,
You don't know what you've fed me,
Eternal sunshine like hope of some kind.

I restrain myself from clinging on to you,
As I am bad omen of time,
The way I breath and the life I live,
is more like a victimless crime.

I don't want to drag your pure soul to hell,
It'll be tainted with blood and fear,
I won't get even a moment of happiness,
From my life if you disappear,
Yes I want you in my life,
But my curse forbids me,
If I may ever hurt you,
A drop of your tear might just kill me.

I'm so confused,
I'm so jealous,
of freedom, emotions & feelings you people can feel,
I'm just a monster without shame & guilt,
I'm not worth this life
It all should end with me.